Opening up to be really painful and difficult . There's so many ways to posture yourself on social media and it can feel as if it's a game of mask . With the desire to be authentic and to come from a place of spirit rather than ego, I find myself not engaging choosing to sit on the sidelines and say nothing. Sometime it feels like I just enjoy observing, sometimes it feels like I have nothing worth sharing and sometimes I just like to be quiet and not intellectualize my feelings . There's so much going on Within Me so many feelings and emotions . The amount that one human senses in one day can be as numerous as the stars in the sky. The more I open up the more sensitive I get . My ego wants to brand myself on social media . Give myself a mask portraying myself in a certain way . I gave that up a long time ago (and by a longtime I mean last year).
I want to blog with the intention of opening up of unraveling untangling the things within me. I've always written for emancipation and liberation . When I first began writing when I was 12 the subject was always this. So now I want to blog from a place of therapy . I am hiding. The time to come out of the Shadows has arrived . To share. To mess up . To play . Sooo many people in my life have came in so quietly and touched my heart so deeply. The common bond that I have shared with them, the growth and the love . I'm really good at opening up deeply on a one-on-one basis when I'm sitting with my friends, with the people that I trust. It is society at a large that I don't trust, to feel the social patterns and to feel outside of them leaves me in a space of feeling vulnerable . Then there is the tribe and I love you guys so much .
Within our social patterns we see two major paradigms existing at the same time in America . the new age is clearly here for those that are willing to participate. The old age clings to it's archaic ways was stale breath. While the conscious collective has grown in emotional maturity . The dichotomy of the age is one that shows what times of war look like and what time is the true inner change look like. Which time in the past have benefited humanity. The intention with this blog is to help overcome the fear social patterning of the old paradigm. This is my intention for myself with compassion and loving kindness. I once heard courage is not the lack of fear. There's a dispersive air element quality to fear . It scatters the energy and leaves me paralyzed, unable to function. So I must water the other seed, the seed of courage, the seed of love and the seed of conviction .
As a woman I feel but I've been conditioned to not show myself. The social patterns break apart around me and we the few have become the many. They have set poison into our religions and foods and classrooms. The dirt has to be braved . The mud must be walked through.
It's my first blog and I'm struggling to post it . The struggle is real. I'm hesitant because I wanted to be perfect. I laugh out loud as I write that sentence. But I'm here to mess up . I am here to stop judging myself . to let myself be seen. The mud still cakes around my little flower bud. And the water flows around gently washing it away . I just left my my seed and pushed my way through the dark .
Blessings
